


I Haven't Slept in Four Days...

by alex_is_away



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, References to Depression, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 05:29:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14489829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex_is_away/pseuds/alex_is_away
Summary: Rigum can't stop having flashbacks from the previous symbiont's suicideJulian just wants him to feel better





	I Haven't Slept in Four Days...

As the counselor dragged himself to his office in the Infirmary, the doctor obviously noticed his lack of a ‘hello’ and immediately knew something was off, “Good morning!” Julian tried to get some sort of response but Rigum simply nodded in his general direction, not even bothering to look him in the eye. This really worried him. Reluctantly, he gently grabbed the younger man by the arm and spun him around, only to see the bags under his eyes and the tear stained cheeks, taking notice of how he slightly flinched under his touch. “Hey, are you okay? What’s up?” “Y-yeah, I’m fine, i-it’s nothing, really.” He decided to let it go, maybe he didn’t want to talk about it right away, but when he let go of his arm he noticed how Rigum quietly hissed in pain and immediately went to get his tricorder. “Is there something wrong with your arm?” His voice laced with worry and concern. As he got closer, the younger man started to slowly back up and cover his upper arm with his hand. “Like I said, e-everything’s fine, promise.” He knew better than to believe him this time, he knew something was up, and he wasn’t going to let go of it until he knew. “Look, Rigum I can see very clearly that you are not okay, you look like you haven’t had a good night's rest in ages! You are clearly in pain and I want to help you, so please, please tell me what's bothering you…” That broke him, he dropped to his knees and began crying, “How could he care so much about someone that is as broken as I am?” he thought. The doctor, shocked at his sudden reaction, knelt down to his level and slowly rubbed his back. “It’s okay, I’m here for you, always, and that’s a promise, one that will never change.” He looked up at the older man with confusion “Is he serious?” he didn’t know what to do, so his body acted for him, because before he knew it he was kissing the doctor, and to his surprise, it was being reciprocated. It tasted like passion and tears and he loved every part of it, he had imagined what this moment would be like since he first met the handsome doctor. When he pulled back he said, “I haven’t slept in four days Julian, I keep having flashbacks and nightmares from that night” of course he was referencing the previous host's suicide. Julian set a hand on his cheek; of course he knew what happened to the last host, as the station’s chief medical officer this information was important, but he never completely got a grasp on how it affected the new host. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I can help you get through this” He sounded genuine and that made him emotional all over again, he has never been able to open up to anyone as much as he feels like he can with Bashir in this moment, and he takes advantage of that sudden burst of confidence. “I keep seeing her in that shower, she was so alone Julian, so helpless. I can feel the pain that she felt in that moment, physical and mental, I can feel the way her arms throbbed as the blood poured from them, and I can feel how alone and scared she felt in that moment.” He started to break down even more, and felt the other man’s arms pull him into a meaningful embrace “S-she was so alone Julian, please never l-leave me to feel a-alone like that” he stumbled over his words between sobs “I give you my word, I’m never going to let you feel like that, no one deserves to feel like they don’t matter” and with that being said, he led the younger man to a nearby Biobed. “If you are feeling alright, I’d like to take a look at your arm” when he was given a nod of approval, he slowly unzipped the top of Rigum’s uniform, careful as to not rub against the injury, when his uniform top was removed he was shocked to see his arms covered shoulder to elbow in cuts, on both arms. “You don’t need to say it, I already know it’s wrong and that I’m just inviting infection and further injury” “No, it’s just that I didn’t realize that you were in so much pain that you did this to numb it… I-I’m so sorry, I should’ve noticed sooner” His voice, once laced with worry and concern now tasted a little more bitter, sadness perhaps? No, more like regret mixed with a hint of pain. “No, I should’ve told you sooner, I was just so scared of what you would think of me if I told you how I was actually feeling. But these memories, they just feel so real to me and I can’t control when they come up, it’s kind of like an ambush on my psyche.” All of a sudden the doctor got an idea “Here” he handed him a piece of paper with numbers on it, puzzled, he looked in his eyes to look for an answer. Julian chuckled at his confusion. “It’s the access code to my quarters, come by anytime you need me, day or night, if you have to wake me up that’s okay too. I just want you to be safe, I hate seeing you in pain.” Rigum’s heart swelled at the words being said to him, and all he could do in that moment was smile and hug the doctor. After a few minutes of lying still, Julian had completely healed his injuries, and when he was going to give back the younger man’s uniform top he realized that he had fallen asleep. Glad that he finally felt comfortable to fall asleep, Julian pulled a blanket over him, pulled the privacy curtain shut and dimmed the lights, letting all of today’s clients know that the counselor would not be in the office today, Doctor’s orders.


End file.
